ACT I
Outside the Castle Bunthorne, a chorus of aesthetic maidens bewail the hopelessness
of their love for Bunthorne, a fleshly poet who loves, not them, but Patience,
a dairymaid. She, on the other hand, is quite innocent of any longing for
love, a sentiment which she does not understand.
The officers of the 35th Dragoon Guards, to whom the aesthetic ladies were
formerly engaged, arrive unexpectedly but the maidens have no further use
for such crude creatures. Bunthorne's arrival on the scene, and the adoration
of the love-sick maidens for him, infuriate the officers who look upon the
whole business as an insult to the uniform. As soon as Bunthorne finds himself
alone, he admits quite frankly that he is a sham. To Patience he avows his
love but she is not interested.
Archibald Grosvenor, a childhood " flame:' of Patience, arrives on
the scene but although she finds herself recapturing her childish regard
for her very early playmate, she is deterred from committing herself by
the realisation of the selfishness of monopolising the attentions of one
in whom, as Grosvenor assures her, Jail women delight.
Matters having reached an impasse, Bunthorne arrives with his solicitor
who has advised him to put himself up to be raffled for. This is too much
for Patience, who offers herself to Bunthorne, and the other ladies promptly
switch their affection to Grosvenor, much to Bunthorne's disgust.
ACT II
In a near-by glade, Lady Jane confesses to a middle-aged affection for
Bunthorne while Grosvenor, rather sick of the attentions of the love-sick
maidens, longs for Patience. To his protestations of love, she takes the
stand that it is her duty to love Bunthorne, although she cannot bear
the sight of him. Bunthorne is so jealous of Grosvenor that he decides
to become as insipid as his rival for the affection of the maidens and
in the meantime, three of the officers take the bold step of learning
the aesthetic tricks of the cult to try and recapture the regard of their
quondam sweethearts.
Bunthorne decides on a " showdown " with Grosvenor and threatens
him with a terrible curse unless he alters his ways. In fear of this,
Grosvenor becomes a perfectly matter-of-fact young man, which, of course,
suits Patience down to the ground. Although Bunthorne is faced with the
necessity of putting up, as an alternative, with the attentions of Lady
Jane, his decision is somewhat spoiled by Jane's instantaneous acceptance
of a proposal from the very rich, aristocratic Lieutenant the Duke of
Dunstable, who is altruistic enough to think that his noble hand should
be bestowed on the plainest lady of the lot. This rather leaves Bunthorne
high and dry and he decides that he must be content with his original
role of a lover of simple beauty as represented by tulips and lilies and
other garden produce, to which the remaining couples are quite content
to leave him, on rediscovering that there is some virtue, after all, in
the affections of the opposite sex.
J. C. G.

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